Ok, so I lied. I didn't get back to the blog as quickly as I meant to. I've heard people say, "Life got in the way." And that's a true statement. In my case, quilting got in the way, alongside a lot of other things.
But to the task at hand. I went to the breast cancer support group and found out it wasn't just for breast cancer survivors. There were two women there that are leukemia survivors. We all got to tell our story. We all went through different experiences. We all suffered pain and sickness and heartache and disappointment. But, Praise God, we all are survivors.
And I believe that's why we go through hard times, bad times, painful times - to Praise God. To bring Glory to God. To be thankful in all things. I Thessalonians 5:16-18: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Do you know how hard that is to do? It's easy to give thanks and be thankful when things are going great. But when you're told you have a disease that could take your life, it's mighty hard to say, "Thank you, Lord! That's just what I wanted!" When you're going through painful tests and surgeries it's mighty hard to say, "Thank you, Lord! That's just what I wanted." When you're lying in your chair, so sick from chemotherapy meds they put in your body to kill the cancer and you can't hold your head up or get up to get in the shower, it's mighty hard to say, "Thank you, Lord. That's just what I wanted." Be joyful? Not happening. Pray continually? Maybe, but not in a thankful attitude. More like, "Please, Lord, just let me live through this one more day. Please, Lord, just let me find something I can eat. Please, Lord, let me be able to get up from this chair and move around." And then the one question people say you're not supposed to ask, "Please, Lord. Why me?" Well, why not ask Him that?! He knows you're thinking it anyway. He knows all things about you. He knows what's in your heart. He knows what your future is. He knows the plans he has for you. He knows He plans to give you hope and a future. (You can find that promise in Jeremiah 29:11) So let's just get honest with God and talk to him like the Father he is to us.
We may not ever know the "why" of anything that happens to us on this earth. But we will know someday. Our job today is to Praise God, to bring him Glory, to thank Him, to tell others about Him.
Back to the support group - I will be attending again next month. I look forward to meeting some more new friends and sharing the bad times, and good times of cancer and hearing the stories of other survivors. And most of all, I look forward to having the opportunity to tell others what God has done for me.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Moving Down the Tunnel
The end of the tunnel is near. You know the one - the one that's dark and scarey and seems to go on forever. You know the one - it is rumored to have a light at the end of it. I think I can see that light!
Three more herceptin treatments. Two new bottles of the experimental pill, lapatinib. The Herceptin is given to me via lifeport. It is a targeted medicine that destroys the HER-2 protein that was in the cancer and causes it to be very aggressive. Lapatinib is being tested to determine if it helps prohibit the cancer from returning. At the end of this treatment there will be a 6% chance of the cancer returning. Anything under 10% is good. I am very optimistic I will not see another 5 months like I did in 2010. Already 2011 is looking good.
Today in the chemo lab, I met Amanda. Her mother and I went to high school together. Amanda is a beautiful young woman, mid 30's I think, two daughters, a husband, a newly earned Registered Nurse degree. Amanda has breast cancer. She earned her degree and passed her state boards all while facing the fact she has cancer. She's had the surgeries and lost her hair. She's sick and achey from the chemo. She's very courageous. She will be fine. I look forward to getting to know her better.
After my treatment today I had lunch at a chinese buffet and stopped into Hobby Lobby. I've always been an evesdropper. Sitting in a restaurant I enjoy overhearing the people at the tables around me. I don't do anything with what I hear or usually repeat it to anyone else. Besides, I don't know those people! Today as I was examining something hanging on the wall at Hobby Lobby, I heard a woman say, "I am on my way to the clinic to get the results of a biopsy that was done on my breast a few days ago." That's all I heard. She continued talking to an acquantance but I don't know what else she said. All I heard was "biopsy - results - today" I moved to her side and touched her hand. She looked at me, puzzled, and I said, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to interrupt but I couldn't help hearing that you are going to find out the results of your biopsy today. I just want to tell you that no matter how it turns out, I can tell from the shirt you are wearing, that you will be ok. You will be fine." She looked at me stunned and said, "I hope so. That's what I'm counting on." She should have said, 'that's WHO I'm counting on" For the life of me, I couldn't tell you right now what her shirt said. But it referred to God and something about her faith in him. I would give anything if I knew what her results were. I have thought about her and prayed for her several times today.Don't know her name. Don't know where she lives. Just know she was frightened.
Talked to Vicki today. She's Mike's niece, the daughter of one of his late sisters. One of the three sisters he had that died of ovarian cancer. Vicki is a breast cancer survivor. She calls to check on me periodically. She goes for her yearly check up next week. She voiced what we survivors all think of - will it come back? That's one of those questions that doesn't have an answer. I refuse to make myself sick worrying over such a question. The possibility exists that it could come back in any and all of us. But I will live each day as a survivor. I will try not to waste time. Time is so precious. We think we will be here forever. But God says in James 4:14, "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." Sounds like we're pretty expendable, doesn't it? I want to accomplish a lot of things before my "mist" vanishes. Not necessarily leaving "things" as a legacy because quilts are a nice way to do that and I want everyone I love to have one. Rather, I want to leave this world making a difference in someone else's life. Hopefully, the woman I spoke to at Hobby Lobby today will get some comfort from what I said. Hopefully, if her diagnosis is not what she wanted to hear, she'll find courage. If her diagnosis was exactly what she wanted to hear, maybe she will encourage another woman who is waiting on results of a medical test, too.
Monday night I am going to a breast cancer support group. It's the first time I've attended a group like this. I'm looking forward to hearing what other women have to say. This "club" I found myself a member of, is not what I would have chosen. But it's what I got. And I'll do my best to help someone else get through it.
Three more herceptin treatments. Two new bottles of the experimental pill, lapatinib. The Herceptin is given to me via lifeport. It is a targeted medicine that destroys the HER-2 protein that was in the cancer and causes it to be very aggressive. Lapatinib is being tested to determine if it helps prohibit the cancer from returning. At the end of this treatment there will be a 6% chance of the cancer returning. Anything under 10% is good. I am very optimistic I will not see another 5 months like I did in 2010. Already 2011 is looking good.
Today in the chemo lab, I met Amanda. Her mother and I went to high school together. Amanda is a beautiful young woman, mid 30's I think, two daughters, a husband, a newly earned Registered Nurse degree. Amanda has breast cancer. She earned her degree and passed her state boards all while facing the fact she has cancer. She's had the surgeries and lost her hair. She's sick and achey from the chemo. She's very courageous. She will be fine. I look forward to getting to know her better.
After my treatment today I had lunch at a chinese buffet and stopped into Hobby Lobby. I've always been an evesdropper. Sitting in a restaurant I enjoy overhearing the people at the tables around me. I don't do anything with what I hear or usually repeat it to anyone else. Besides, I don't know those people! Today as I was examining something hanging on the wall at Hobby Lobby, I heard a woman say, "I am on my way to the clinic to get the results of a biopsy that was done on my breast a few days ago." That's all I heard. She continued talking to an acquantance but I don't know what else she said. All I heard was "biopsy - results - today" I moved to her side and touched her hand. She looked at me, puzzled, and I said, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to interrupt but I couldn't help hearing that you are going to find out the results of your biopsy today. I just want to tell you that no matter how it turns out, I can tell from the shirt you are wearing, that you will be ok. You will be fine." She looked at me stunned and said, "I hope so. That's what I'm counting on." She should have said, 'that's WHO I'm counting on" For the life of me, I couldn't tell you right now what her shirt said. But it referred to God and something about her faith in him. I would give anything if I knew what her results were. I have thought about her and prayed for her several times today.Don't know her name. Don't know where she lives. Just know she was frightened.
Talked to Vicki today. She's Mike's niece, the daughter of one of his late sisters. One of the three sisters he had that died of ovarian cancer. Vicki is a breast cancer survivor. She calls to check on me periodically. She goes for her yearly check up next week. She voiced what we survivors all think of - will it come back? That's one of those questions that doesn't have an answer. I refuse to make myself sick worrying over such a question. The possibility exists that it could come back in any and all of us. But I will live each day as a survivor. I will try not to waste time. Time is so precious. We think we will be here forever. But God says in James 4:14, "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." Sounds like we're pretty expendable, doesn't it? I want to accomplish a lot of things before my "mist" vanishes. Not necessarily leaving "things" as a legacy because quilts are a nice way to do that and I want everyone I love to have one. Rather, I want to leave this world making a difference in someone else's life. Hopefully, the woman I spoke to at Hobby Lobby today will get some comfort from what I said. Hopefully, if her diagnosis is not what she wanted to hear, she'll find courage. If her diagnosis was exactly what she wanted to hear, maybe she will encourage another woman who is waiting on results of a medical test, too.
Monday night I am going to a breast cancer support group. It's the first time I've attended a group like this. I'm looking forward to hearing what other women have to say. This "club" I found myself a member of, is not what I would have chosen. But it's what I got. And I'll do my best to help someone else get through it.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Where Have I Been?
September? That was the last time I've blogged? That was a long time ago. All those months seem like a blur. Am I really back on my feet? Am I really able to eat again? Am I really only going to the chemo lab once every three weeks? Can you believe I actually miss my chemo nurses?
Let me backtrack. Mainly for my own benefit. Right after chemotherapy was finished I began radiation. That was a breeze compared to the chemo. Being at the hospital radiation lab every morning before 9 a.m. for six weeks was rather a drag but it wasn't painful and it didn't make me sick. And let me say, the medical personnel in radiation were wonderful, sweet, caring, concerned professionals. I appreciate every one of them. I finished up the treatments on November 1, the day after my birthday. I got home that day and received a phone call from an online fabric source where I order quilting fabric. I had won a $100 gift certificate! Could a day get any better? I had a wonderful birthday, finished radiation and got free quilting fabric! WOW!
Things were humming right along. My appetite and strength was coming back. So was my hair, slowly. Then almost two full weeks later, on November 12, 2010, I woke up at 4:30 a.m with a knife sharp stabbing pain in my stomach. By 8 a.m. Mike had me in the emergency room and I was being examined. This was a pain I'd never experienced before. I couldn't do anything but bend over double. Making a long story short, after the CAT scan, I was told my intestines had twisted. The surgeon wanted to operate as soon as possible. I was admitted and placed on the oncology floor, since I was a cancer patient, too, and to keep the chances down of my catching an infection of some/any sort. So on Saturday morning, the 13th I was taken to surgery where I had 18" of my colon removed. What??? Yep, and it had nothing to do with the cancer or treatments. I was unable to eat or swallow anything until the doctor was sure my colon was functioning properly again. On Wednesday, November 17, I was finally able to eat again. I had existed on ice chips and huge bags of IV "stuff". Oh, the pain meds weren't bad either. The first food I'd had in 6 days was artificial scrambled eggs and jello. Best tasting food I'd had in months!
Mike came to the hospital every day and spent the night with me every night but the first one. I recovered quite quickly, or I thought so, and was able to come home on Thursday morning. After having been up and about and beginning to get back on my feet from the chemo and radiation, I found myself once again glued to my recliner. About another four weeks of down time and I was pretty much good to go again. There were a lot of medicines I had to take, a lot of medicines I had to quit taking, and dressing wounds three times a day.
I shall pause for now and post another chapter in this journey later today or this week. Thank you, Lord, for your Love and Grace and Healing.
Let me backtrack. Mainly for my own benefit. Right after chemotherapy was finished I began radiation. That was a breeze compared to the chemo. Being at the hospital radiation lab every morning before 9 a.m. for six weeks was rather a drag but it wasn't painful and it didn't make me sick. And let me say, the medical personnel in radiation were wonderful, sweet, caring, concerned professionals. I appreciate every one of them. I finished up the treatments on November 1, the day after my birthday. I got home that day and received a phone call from an online fabric source where I order quilting fabric. I had won a $100 gift certificate! Could a day get any better? I had a wonderful birthday, finished radiation and got free quilting fabric! WOW!
Things were humming right along. My appetite and strength was coming back. So was my hair, slowly. Then almost two full weeks later, on November 12, 2010, I woke up at 4:30 a.m with a knife sharp stabbing pain in my stomach. By 8 a.m. Mike had me in the emergency room and I was being examined. This was a pain I'd never experienced before. I couldn't do anything but bend over double. Making a long story short, after the CAT scan, I was told my intestines had twisted. The surgeon wanted to operate as soon as possible. I was admitted and placed on the oncology floor, since I was a cancer patient, too, and to keep the chances down of my catching an infection of some/any sort. So on Saturday morning, the 13th I was taken to surgery where I had 18" of my colon removed. What??? Yep, and it had nothing to do with the cancer or treatments. I was unable to eat or swallow anything until the doctor was sure my colon was functioning properly again. On Wednesday, November 17, I was finally able to eat again. I had existed on ice chips and huge bags of IV "stuff". Oh, the pain meds weren't bad either. The first food I'd had in 6 days was artificial scrambled eggs and jello. Best tasting food I'd had in months!
Mike came to the hospital every day and spent the night with me every night but the first one. I recovered quite quickly, or I thought so, and was able to come home on Thursday morning. After having been up and about and beginning to get back on my feet from the chemo and radiation, I found myself once again glued to my recliner. About another four weeks of down time and I was pretty much good to go again. There were a lot of medicines I had to take, a lot of medicines I had to quit taking, and dressing wounds three times a day.
I shall pause for now and post another chapter in this journey later today or this week. Thank you, Lord, for your Love and Grace and Healing.
Friday, September 17, 2010
It's Not So Bad. WHAT???
As you can tell, it's been a while since I posted a new entry to my blog. Chemo has been knocking me on my butt. I don't usually use that word in print but it's the only word that fits. I have been told the cumulative effects of the drugs are building up and it takes longer to recover from each treatment.
Well, the treatments are over. It's been two weeks ago today. And I must believe the above statement. Not only do I still have an almost zero appetite, but one of the drugs is eating the much needed, necessary potassium and magnesium my body needs to function. I have spent two to three days a week in the chemo lab getting four to five hour bags of these chemicals. That is in addition to taking liquid and supplemental pills at home twice a day. Without the proper levels of these minerals, my little ole heart could malfunction, among other things happening. It gets irritating spending all my days hooked up to an IV pole, but I keep seeing the benefits of it waaay down at the end of that long corridor called "Cancer Free."
The journey has been hard this hard summer and it's not over yet. But when I sit back and reflect on the good that has come from this - yes, that's what I said, "good," I can almost make them outweigh the bad, the uncomfortable, the unpleasant, the inconvenience, the sadness.
Allow me the freedom to elaborate:
Professionals who have taken care of me and make me feel as if I'm the most important person in the room. Strangers who have become friends from encounters day after day or week after week in the chemo lab. Even the regular morning workers at the fast food place I frequently patronize when I have an appetite and can drink a glass of sweet tea and eat a hash brown patty. Getting to know the families of people I see everyday that I didn't know six months ago. Mail and cards from friends and some people I have never met that have grown into a huge stack I shall treasure for a long time. Random emails and phone calls from loved ones. Customers from our plumbing business that send word by our employees that they are praying for me. Food dropped off by friends and church members. People I have never met face to face whom I met on the Webkinz for Momz page who became Facebook friends and constantly comment on my posts on Facebook and have sent me home made prayer shawls and lovely sewing accessories for my quilting room. And this is just to touch on the "good" that has come from this dreadful summer of cancer and chemo.
I cannot forget my Lord and Savior, who has comforted me when I cried, calmed me when I panicked, soothed me when I crashed in tears and self pity, and reassured me He is here. He is close. He is holding me. He knows all about it.
Compared to the bad - - the bad could be a lot worse. I have a good prognosis. I have a huge support base. I am trying to keep my sense of humor. I have Mike, the boys, the girls, the grandkids, the sisters, the Mama, the in-laws, I'll go to bed now.
Thank you, Jesus.
Well, the treatments are over. It's been two weeks ago today. And I must believe the above statement. Not only do I still have an almost zero appetite, but one of the drugs is eating the much needed, necessary potassium and magnesium my body needs to function. I have spent two to three days a week in the chemo lab getting four to five hour bags of these chemicals. That is in addition to taking liquid and supplemental pills at home twice a day. Without the proper levels of these minerals, my little ole heart could malfunction, among other things happening. It gets irritating spending all my days hooked up to an IV pole, but I keep seeing the benefits of it waaay down at the end of that long corridor called "Cancer Free."
The journey has been hard this hard summer and it's not over yet. But when I sit back and reflect on the good that has come from this - yes, that's what I said, "good," I can almost make them outweigh the bad, the uncomfortable, the unpleasant, the inconvenience, the sadness.
Allow me the freedom to elaborate:
Professionals who have taken care of me and make me feel as if I'm the most important person in the room. Strangers who have become friends from encounters day after day or week after week in the chemo lab. Even the regular morning workers at the fast food place I frequently patronize when I have an appetite and can drink a glass of sweet tea and eat a hash brown patty. Getting to know the families of people I see everyday that I didn't know six months ago. Mail and cards from friends and some people I have never met that have grown into a huge stack I shall treasure for a long time. Random emails and phone calls from loved ones. Customers from our plumbing business that send word by our employees that they are praying for me. Food dropped off by friends and church members. People I have never met face to face whom I met on the Webkinz for Momz page who became Facebook friends and constantly comment on my posts on Facebook and have sent me home made prayer shawls and lovely sewing accessories for my quilting room. And this is just to touch on the "good" that has come from this dreadful summer of cancer and chemo.
I cannot forget my Lord and Savior, who has comforted me when I cried, calmed me when I panicked, soothed me when I crashed in tears and self pity, and reassured me He is here. He is close. He is holding me. He knows all about it.
Compared to the bad - - the bad could be a lot worse. I have a good prognosis. I have a huge support base. I am trying to keep my sense of humor. I have Mike, the boys, the girls, the grandkids, the sisters, the Mama, the in-laws, I'll go to bed now.
Thank you, Jesus.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
A Letter to Mom (but yall can read it)
July 18, 2010
Dear Mom,
I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all the things you did for me yesterday. You came early on a Saturday, washed my laundry, dried my laundry, folded my laundry, hung my laundry in my messy messy closet, and followed my directions as I bossed you around all day. When I told you I needed to sit down, you sat with me. You brought me water or koolaid to drink, medicine to swallow, popsicles to eat, and read your book while I napped. You put the cat out because he really gets on my nerves right now and you helped me take my quilt wall down, pack it all in the bag and store it for a later time.
The things I described in the above paragraph took just a few hours of your time. This is not even a drop in the bucket of the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years of the things you have done for me and the time you have spent on me. When I think of lesson after lesson, taught either by example or lecture, and if I were to try to list all of them in ABC order, the bookshelves I have in my home would not begin to hold the volumes of information they would contain. Lessons that always had their basic roots in the Word of God; in the example of the life of Jesus. Basic common sense sayings that were part of our everyday life; "Pretty is as pretty does." "Always greet people with a smile and call their name." "If you shake hands, use a firm grip." (yes, this applies to girls, too!) "Give the elder person your chair." "Always say 'yes/no ma'am' or 'sir' no matter the age of the person." "Always tell your hostess your enjoyed your meal." "When you're a guest in someone's home, leave things the way you found them (and sometimes it might not hurt to leave them better!)" And the ever popular "Honesty is the best policy."
When I was a child, you made my clothes even though you admit you never learned to properly tie one of those big old fancy bows on the back of the dresses. I didn't know it. I just knew my dresses were cute, and starched and pressed and usually had some kind of rick rack on the hem! As I became a teenager and the hip hugger skirts and bell bottom pants were popular, I was so much smaller than my teen friends, we couldn't buy clothes in those styles so out came the sewing machine again! It's hard to make hip hugger skirts for a broomstick figure but you managed. But the biggest sewing project I will never forget was my wedding dress. With a two weeks notice before our wedding, you and Aunt Pat set up two machines in the living room. After you had worked all day in a sewing factory you made my wedding dress and two bridesmaid's dresses. And this was all in December right before Christmas.
So many times I have failed to say thank you. So many times I have failed to tell you how much I appreciate you and all you've done. And so many times I have failed to just say, "I love you." So I shall say it now - Thank you, I appreciate all you do for me. I love you.
Love, Rhonda
Dear Mom,
I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all the things you did for me yesterday. You came early on a Saturday, washed my laundry, dried my laundry, folded my laundry, hung my laundry in my messy messy closet, and followed my directions as I bossed you around all day. When I told you I needed to sit down, you sat with me. You brought me water or koolaid to drink, medicine to swallow, popsicles to eat, and read your book while I napped. You put the cat out because he really gets on my nerves right now and you helped me take my quilt wall down, pack it all in the bag and store it for a later time.
The things I described in the above paragraph took just a few hours of your time. This is not even a drop in the bucket of the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years of the things you have done for me and the time you have spent on me. When I think of lesson after lesson, taught either by example or lecture, and if I were to try to list all of them in ABC order, the bookshelves I have in my home would not begin to hold the volumes of information they would contain. Lessons that always had their basic roots in the Word of God; in the example of the life of Jesus. Basic common sense sayings that were part of our everyday life; "Pretty is as pretty does." "Always greet people with a smile and call their name." "If you shake hands, use a firm grip." (yes, this applies to girls, too!) "Give the elder person your chair." "Always say 'yes/no ma'am' or 'sir' no matter the age of the person." "Always tell your hostess your enjoyed your meal." "When you're a guest in someone's home, leave things the way you found them (and sometimes it might not hurt to leave them better!)" And the ever popular "Honesty is the best policy."
When I was a child, you made my clothes even though you admit you never learned to properly tie one of those big old fancy bows on the back of the dresses. I didn't know it. I just knew my dresses were cute, and starched and pressed and usually had some kind of rick rack on the hem! As I became a teenager and the hip hugger skirts and bell bottom pants were popular, I was so much smaller than my teen friends, we couldn't buy clothes in those styles so out came the sewing machine again! It's hard to make hip hugger skirts for a broomstick figure but you managed. But the biggest sewing project I will never forget was my wedding dress. With a two weeks notice before our wedding, you and Aunt Pat set up two machines in the living room. After you had worked all day in a sewing factory you made my wedding dress and two bridesmaid's dresses. And this was all in December right before Christmas.
So many times I have failed to say thank you. So many times I have failed to tell you how much I appreciate you and all you've done. And so many times I have failed to just say, "I love you." So I shall say it now - Thank you, I appreciate all you do for me. I love you.
Love, Rhonda
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Vacation or StayCation?
Everybody's talking about vacation. Should they go to the beach - what about the tar balls? Should they go to the mountains? Should they find a cheap cruise? Not many are wanting to stay home. But that's exactly what I decided to do for vacation this year.
I'm wearing my big ole sunbonnet, I've got my little cup full of ice and cherry koolaid and a straw. My embroidery is by my side, my laptop within reach, remote control for the TV, and a lovely assortment of pill bottles at my fingertips.
I shall close my eyes and, via my recliner, travel anywhere my mind wants to take me. If I have to rush to the bathroom, I'll just pretend I came in from a tour of the Mayan Ruins and drank the water by mistake. If I feel a little short of breath it's because I just climbed a trail at Clingman's Dome. The rash on my face - let's see, I had a reaction from eating too much lobster tail at the midnight buffet on the Alaskan cruise. Strawberry yogurt, which has become my daily breakfast, is now a strawberry mousse swirled with fresh berries in a crystal parfait glass served to me while staying at a bed and breakfast in Colorado Springs. The occasional cup of hot tea I enjoy comes from high tea at the Biltmore Estate and is stirred with rock sugar sticks. I just wish I could imagine something that would be a substitute for the smoked salmon bites in puff pastry with dill sauce that would accompany that hot tea.
The way I've got it calculated, by Thanksgiving my appetite should be back to normal. The chemo will be over, all the bad symptoms should have subsided and things should be looking like they looked last Thanksgiving. A shorter hairstyle, a few pounds lighter, and a new outlook on life with a bright future will be very welcome into my home, heart, and head.
This week I read an article by John Piper, who was just diagnosed with prostate cancer. He says I shouldn't waste my cancer. That sounded odd to me but you can read this at http://www.desiringgod.org/. Rather than explain all this to you, I shall quote "My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).
Bon Voyage!
Here we are walking on a glacier in Alaska in 2001. Gee, that was nine years ago. A trip we'll never forget.
I'm wearing my big ole sunbonnet, I've got my little cup full of ice and cherry koolaid and a straw. My embroidery is by my side, my laptop within reach, remote control for the TV, and a lovely assortment of pill bottles at my fingertips.
I shall close my eyes and, via my recliner, travel anywhere my mind wants to take me. If I have to rush to the bathroom, I'll just pretend I came in from a tour of the Mayan Ruins and drank the water by mistake. If I feel a little short of breath it's because I just climbed a trail at Clingman's Dome. The rash on my face - let's see, I had a reaction from eating too much lobster tail at the midnight buffet on the Alaskan cruise. Strawberry yogurt, which has become my daily breakfast, is now a strawberry mousse swirled with fresh berries in a crystal parfait glass served to me while staying at a bed and breakfast in Colorado Springs. The occasional cup of hot tea I enjoy comes from high tea at the Biltmore Estate and is stirred with rock sugar sticks. I just wish I could imagine something that would be a substitute for the smoked salmon bites in puff pastry with dill sauce that would accompany that hot tea.
The way I've got it calculated, by Thanksgiving my appetite should be back to normal. The chemo will be over, all the bad symptoms should have subsided and things should be looking like they looked last Thanksgiving. A shorter hairstyle, a few pounds lighter, and a new outlook on life with a bright future will be very welcome into my home, heart, and head.
This week I read an article by John Piper, who was just diagnosed with prostate cancer. He says I shouldn't waste my cancer. That sounded odd to me but you can read this at http://www.desiringgod.org/. Rather than explain all this to you, I shall quote "My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).
Bon Voyage!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Off With Her Hair!
Today is the first day I think I have something to say about it. It's been 5 days since it happened. I kept putting it off and the time didn't seem right and I didn't feel like sitting up that long and it was too hot to sit outside and mixed signals with my hairdresser caused me to miss her and oh, I don't know, there are a lot more reasons. I think the thing that made me decide it was time was finding hair falling from my head into what little food I have been able to eat. That was too much. My stomach was too weak to handle that. Time to cut the hair off.
Libby and her sweet daughter in law, Mallory, were stopping in to see me Monday and I asked her if she'd buzz cut my head. She said she'd be glad to do that for me. Sis in law, Pat, came over and I sat in the kitchen with a towel draped around my shoulders and Lib started the clippers. Off it came, falling in little strips and there wasn't much of it. The picture Travis took was awful. Awful!! I looked at it and started crying. But only for a second.
I knew it was going to happen. I knew if I took matters into my own hand and cut my hair off before the chemo got it all, then psychologically I had more control over my body than the cancer and chemo. But you know what? That's just a ploy. The hair is gone. The cancer and the chemo caused it and it's gonna stay gone for a long time. "It's just hair. It'll grow back. You have a great looking head." Ok, whatever. You may be right. I've said it myself to gals going through this. But until you've been there and seen that hair you paid to have colored and highlighted hitting the floor - - you can't know how it feels. I've had that hair since I was two years old! Yeah, I was bald until then. Kinda makes me feel like I'm starting over but with a lot more baggage and body.
The picture I said was awful ended up being a good source of laughter. I texted the picture to Hunter and he showed it to the boys. Eleven year old Andrew got very quiet looking at it and nine year old Christian almost started crying. Then Hunter found four year old Jon Carter, who was bouncing on the bed just doing his four year old thing, and when he looked at it he stopped, stared, and asked, "Who is that old man?" (See, I told you it was an awful picture!!) Hunter said, "That's not an old man, that's Granna!" He said, "Oh," and went back to bouncing on the bed. Kinda put things back into perspective for me.
So now I've got my radar on for caps, hats, scarves, decorations for a bald head. Simplicity is the key for me. And inexpensive; ok cheap. Cheap means I can have more options. Maybe soon I'll post a picture of some of my head gear. But today, I think I'll keep this look to myself.
Libby and her sweet daughter in law, Mallory, were stopping in to see me Monday and I asked her if she'd buzz cut my head. She said she'd be glad to do that for me. Sis in law, Pat, came over and I sat in the kitchen with a towel draped around my shoulders and Lib started the clippers. Off it came, falling in little strips and there wasn't much of it. The picture Travis took was awful. Awful!! I looked at it and started crying. But only for a second.
I knew it was going to happen. I knew if I took matters into my own hand and cut my hair off before the chemo got it all, then psychologically I had more control over my body than the cancer and chemo. But you know what? That's just a ploy. The hair is gone. The cancer and the chemo caused it and it's gonna stay gone for a long time. "It's just hair. It'll grow back. You have a great looking head." Ok, whatever. You may be right. I've said it myself to gals going through this. But until you've been there and seen that hair you paid to have colored and highlighted hitting the floor - - you can't know how it feels. I've had that hair since I was two years old! Yeah, I was bald until then. Kinda makes me feel like I'm starting over but with a lot more baggage and body.
The picture I said was awful ended up being a good source of laughter. I texted the picture to Hunter and he showed it to the boys. Eleven year old Andrew got very quiet looking at it and nine year old Christian almost started crying. Then Hunter found four year old Jon Carter, who was bouncing on the bed just doing his four year old thing, and when he looked at it he stopped, stared, and asked, "Who is that old man?" (See, I told you it was an awful picture!!) Hunter said, "That's not an old man, that's Granna!" He said, "Oh," and went back to bouncing on the bed. Kinda put things back into perspective for me.
So now I've got my radar on for caps, hats, scarves, decorations for a bald head. Simplicity is the key for me. And inexpensive; ok cheap. Cheap means I can have more options. Maybe soon I'll post a picture of some of my head gear. But today, I think I'll keep this look to myself.
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